I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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