I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
