she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
