nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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