Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
