She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
