All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
