Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
