Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We need a shit load of segways right now
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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