Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
