The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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