a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
