ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
