I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
