I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
