Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
