What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
