I want you more than these girls want KFC
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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