she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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