I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
