you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
