On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
