Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
