Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
