Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
