My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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