I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
