you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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