I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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