You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
