I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
