I don't think brook has ever known best
i love accidental penises.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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