There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
