do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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