Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
