You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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