the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize