I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
