allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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