I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
