i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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