He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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