he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
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