i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
