I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
