Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
