Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
