**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
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