i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
