I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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