Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
