If you die in college, do you die in real life?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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