I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize