I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
