just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
