I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
