I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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