Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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