She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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