I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
