So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
