I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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