There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
