You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
