I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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